Sleepy

I am so tired and sleepy now even though it is only 10pm. Just when I decided to go to sleep after surfing for another 5-10 minutes, I saw this on http://www.studylight.org/

The disciples went to sleep when they should have kept awake

Matthew 26:46

So should I sleep or should I not?

Dilemma

Somehow, I will always feel very stress when people ask me if I am going over to States this year. I don’t know why. Perhaps my decision is not firm or perhaps I am worried about the outcome.

If the opportunity of going overseas is given to me when I was younger, I would have leave without giving much thought to it. Now, there are too much things to weigh before making the decision. Ironically as it may seems, I always wanted to study/work overseas and my mum will always discourage me from making any plans. Now that when she feels that I should go, some part of me wants to stay behind. Men are complex, especially women.

Unethical Motives

Finally I got to know the reason why my colleague is resigning. Curiosity/guilt got the hold of me and I went to ask my boss if my colleague is resigning because of me always changing her design. Well, his answer is no. The reason why she wanted to resign is because she is going for medical surgery and she wants to take a rest after her surgery. She told my boss that she has to leave within 2 days (which normally, all staffs are required to give a 2 months notice for resignation) because of her surgery and she had just reformatted her laptop without backing up all the files, thus all the source files are lost.

Seriously, after knowing that she deleted all the source files from her laptop, I no longer had the guilt in me. And in fact, I feel very disappointed for her actions. I really find no reasons to justify why she needs to reformat her laptop without backing up all the source files. Perhaps I am being too quick to judge, but obviously, her actions are not accidental and she could be sued if my boss is to pursue this matter.

However, out of all the unpleasant things that had happened, I thank God that one of the freelance designer that my company engages, volunteer to assist me in my project free of charge, which means I still have hopes of delivering my project in time and within budget =)

Guilty

Today, I heard news of my colleague tendering her resignation letter. At that very moment, I felt very guilty. Somehow, I felt that her resignation is because of me. Perhaps I had pushed her too much for the past few weeks.

I do understand that a lot of times, design could be very abstract, what looks good to one might not looks good to another. What she felt that is nice, might not be appealing to me. But what looks good to her and looks disastrous to me, to everyone in the company and to all my clients, something must be very wrong.

Weeks after weeks, I rejected her work, asking her to redo everything. And when I say “redo everything”, I don’t mean just changing the colors, I expect alot more than that. My very last comment for her work was “so-so, looks ok, but not impressive”. Of course I did not say those words to her, what I told her was “Looks ok, but can you please change this….change that…”

Perhaps I had pushed her too far and rob her of her creativity, but for something that couldn’t even pass my eyesight, how am I supposed to present the design work to my boss and clients?