A Heart After You

mes désirs

2007-03-28T02:37:00.000+08:00

i had decided to blog here instead: http://mes-desirs.blogspot.com/

Monday Blues

2007-03-11T20:17:00.000+08:00

I was woken up a sms just now. When I woke up, I panic in fear because I thought I had overslept and it is already Monday morning. In my mind, I was exclaiming “Oh s***! I had overslept and I am going to be late for the presentation. Why didn’t I set my alarm clock and why am I so careless? I had yet to go through what my colleague had done for the presentation, what if he fails to deliver what he promised me again, how am I going to answer to my client later? And I had yet to study for my exams!” I can practically feel the whole world collapsing down on me due to my failure to set my alarm clock. Argh…

Just when I was navigating through my handphone, wanting to check my sms, I realize it is still a Sunday evening! It is really a “phew”, “Thank God!” and “Praise The Lord!”. But sadly to say, that also means that I have to go and make myself a cup of coffee so that I can work through the night. Haiz…Monday blues…Another round of warfare tomorrow.

My New Baby

2007-03-11T00:57:00.000+08:00

A man will spend $598 to buy what he needs, A woman will spend $598 to buy what she doesnt need

White Tea

2007-03-11T00:01:00.000+08:00

I was sipping my cup of hot white tea and eating kaya kuei while writing this entry. Suddenly I felt that this is the most relaxing moment for the past few weeks. The aroma from the cup of white tea never fails calms me down, making me forget about the pile of work that I have at the moment.

Missing

2007-03-05T01:01:00.000+08:00

Today, grandpa went missing. I was really very worried that something bad had happened to him. It was late at night and I can’t help but to start wondering if he was knocked down by a car. I could not do anything but to pray that God’s hands of protection will be over him and he will be back home safely.

Thank God that my grandpa finally returned home safely. He walked all the way from Boon Lay back to Jurong East instead of taking a bus. That took him 3 hours and that explains why he was missing.

Defeated

2007-03-05T00:45:00.000+08:00

This is my very last message to my colleague just now when he fails to meet the deadline again: “Hope you understand where I am coming from. I need to answer to both the client and boss. After the review, I will need you to put in extra efforts to finish up the application. We will discuss the outstanding issues tomorrow after the review; just try to show as much as you could for the presentation tomorrow.”

I had long lost my patience over him, yet I had to pretend to be nice. And when I am nice, it doesn’t mean I am not serious about the things that I had said. I feel defeated.

Down

2007-03-03T22:50:00.000+08:00

Been feeling very down recently because of work. A lot of deadline overrun and delay. I really don’t know what should I do. To help or not to help? If I don’t help and he cant deliver the project on time, it is my fault and not his because I am the project manager and he is the programmer. But if I were to help, I feel very unjustified because he has been playing games everyday during office hours. Why should I burn my weekends to help him with those works that he is suppose do where I could have use the time to prepare for my exams?

Sleepy

2007-02-18T22:13:00.000+08:00

I am so tired and sleepy now even though it is only 10pm. Just when I decided to go to sleep after surfing for another 5-10 minutes, I saw this on http://www.studylight.org/

The disciples went to sleep when they should have kept awake
Matthew 26:46

So should I sleep or should I not?

Dilemma

2007-02-14T02:13:00.000+08:00

Somehow, I will always feel very stress when people ask me if I am going over to States this year. I don’t know why. Perhaps my decision is not firm or perhaps I am worried about the outcome.

If the opportunity of going overseas is given to me when I was younger, I would have leave without giving much thought to it. Now, there are too much things to weigh before making the decision. Ironically as it may seems, I always wanted to study/work overseas and my mum will always discourage me from making any plans. Now that when she feels that I should go, some part of me wants to stay behind. Men are complex, especially women.

Unethical Motives

2007-02-07T13:46:00.000+08:00

Finally I got to know the reason why my colleague is resigning. Curiosity/guilt got the hold of me and I went to ask my boss if my colleague is resigning because of me always changing her design. Well, his answer is no. The reason why she wanted to resign is because she is going for medical surgery and she wants to take a rest after her surgery. She told my boss that she has to leave within 2 days (which normally, all staffs are required to give a 2 months notice for resignation) because of her surgery and she had just reformatted her laptop without backing up all the files, thus all the source files are lost.

Seriously, after knowing that she deleted all the source files from her laptop, I no longer had the guilt in me. And in fact, I feel very disappointed for her actions. I really find no reasons to justify why she needs to reformat her laptop without backing up all the source files. Perhaps I am being too quick to judge, but obviously, her actions are not accidental and she could be sued if my boss is to pursue this matter.

However, out of all the unpleasant things that had happened, I thank God that one of the freelance designer that my company engages, volunteer to assist me in my project free of charge, which means I still have hopes of delivering my project in time and within budget =)

Guilty

2007-02-03T01:08:00.001+08:00

Today, I heard news of my colleague tendering her resignation letter. At that very moment, I felt very guilty. Somehow, I felt that her resignation is because of me. Perhaps I had pushed her too much for the past few weeks.

I do understand that a lot of times, design could be very abstract, what looks good to one might not looks good to another. What she felt that is nice, might not be appealing to me. But what looks good to her and looks disastrous to me, to everyone in the company and to all my clients, something must be very wrong.

Weeks after weeks, I rejected her work, asking her to redo everything. And when I say “redo everything”, I don’t mean just changing the colors, I expect alot more than that. My very last comment for her work was “so-so, looks ok, but not impressive”. Of course I did not say those words to her, what I told her was “Looks ok, but can you please change this….change that…”

Perhaps I had pushed her too far and rob her of her creativity, but for something that couldn’t even pass my eyesight, how am I supposed to present the design work to my boss and clients?

Writing

2007-01-28T00:08:00.000+08:00

It has been a long time since I blog. It is not that I didn’t write anything during this period of time, but I just cant seems to piece all my thoughts together. And I will always get so frustrated about the whole entry and decides not to publish it. Perhaps I had lost the momentum of writing.

This entry marks the start of me trying to write again. I pray that as I try to write, I am able to find the right words that truly represent my thoughts and let not my train of thoughts be disrupted, but flow as a steady stream of peace and serenity.

Cafe Del Mar Grand Opening

2007-01-20T12:01:00.000+08:00

Relaunch Your Life

2006-12-19T12:34:00.000+08:00

It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.
~ Alan Cohen ~

NTUC Club Staff Union Dinner & Dance

2006-11-29T14:31:00.000+08:00

Grandma's 73th Birthday

2006-11-26T13:36:00.000+08:00

Bangkok Trip Day 5

2006-11-21T10:23:00.000+08:00

Checking out of hotel

Waiting to check in our luggage

@Departure hall

Bangkok Trip Day 4

2006-11-20T16:54:00.000+08:00

@Platinum Mall

@Mister Dounuts

Outside Central World Plaza

Bangkok Trip Day 3

2006-11-19T16:14:00.000+08:00

@Chatuchak

Dinner @Siam Paragon Foodcourt

@Dunkin donuts

@Memorial Bridge

Shopping loots

Bangkok Trip Day 2

2006-11-18T15:49:00.000+08:00

Hotel breakfast

Walking to Pratunam Market

@Pratunam Market

Lunch @A&W (Pantip Mall)

Bangkok Trip Day 1

2006-11-17T14:29:00.000+08:00

Waiting for bus to go to Budget Terminal

@Budget Terminal

Boarding the plane

@Bangkok Airport

Checking out

Dinner @Coca restaurant (Siam Center)

@Suan Lum Night Bazaar

Pat's Birthday

2006-11-15T13:17:00.000+08:00

@You Tiao Da Wang

@Beef Horfun

Counting Down

2006-11-10T14:46:00.000+08:00

07 more days to my Bangkok trip
17 Nov 2006, finally a getaway from my work, finally a Monday which I don’t feel blue, finally a day which I don’t feel obligated to pick up all my phone calls.

40 more days to my GRE examination
20 Dec 2006, this will take me a step nearer to my dream and that’s provided I score well for this examination.

54 more days to the submission of my resignation letter
03 Jan 2007, one of the most important decision that I had made this year. I pray that by leaving this shore, I can discover new oceans.

85 more days to my last day of work
03 Mar 2007, FREEDOM!!!

Disorganize Thoughts

2006-11-08T11:44:00.000+08:00

It has become increasingly difficult to write nowadays. A lot of times I wanted to pen down my thoughts. A lot of times I attempted writing. But those entries were never completed and published. Disorganize thoughts are all over my MS Word, it seems so difficult to piece them together. I had to make sure that what I had written is politically-theoretically correct so that I will not be judged for something that is unpleasant. In the end, I deleted all those thoughts altogether, it is easier to keep those thoughts and feelings all to myself than to write out and be judged according to other men’s standards.

Nelson & Daniel's Birthday @ DTE

2006-11-03T13:32:00.000+08:00

Attitude of Grace

2006-10-15T22:48:00.000+08:00

Seeing the good in someone is a spiritual discipline, it is an attitude of grace.